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    最新經典搞笑段子_2017最新幽默搞笑段子

    更新時間: 2017-02-21 閱讀:

      每每爆發一個社會熱點,都期待有一段精妙到位的段子去評說,這種叫“段子”的語言形態已經深入我們的文化生活,甚至改變著我們的表達、評論方式。下面是由學習啦小編整理而成的最新經典搞笑段子,謝謝你的閱讀。

    最新經典搞笑段子摘錄

      1.男人長的帥有個屁用呀?到銀行能用臉刷卡嗎?

      2.生下來的人沒有怕死的,怕死的都TM沒生下來,所以誰都別TM的裝橫!

      3.知道什么是凌遲嗎?我們都是被時間凌遲的人,一刀又一刀,直到面目全非。

      4.愛情的投入和產出從來不成比例,一廂情愿的犧牲到頭來感動的往往是自己

      5.這些年來我過得一直很不好,除了美色和才華,我一貧如洗。

      6.顏值高的人往往不會在意成績這種東西。

      7.在通向逗比的路上,我不小心把油門當成了剎車,一不留神沖向了前頭。

      8.我們不要再見面了,洗頭好累,洗發水好貴。

      9.真羨慕你們這些有男朋友陪著去看演唱會的人,不像我,我男朋友還得辛辛苦苦開演唱會給你們看。

      10.從來沒人對我表白過,這說明一個問題,我一直被人暗戀著。

      11.我知道我脾氣很不好,如果你不能忍受,我希望你能反省一下你自己,為什么別人可以。

      12.外面超多情侶,我害怕我一出現他們就后悔,后悔自己已經有女朋友了。

      13.今天在網上看見一件衣服,有三個評論,其中兩個中評一個好評,中評的內容大致是和圖片不一樣,有色差,穿著不好看,而好評的內容是,幫同學買的,她穿著很丑,我很滿意…

      14.如果一條狗跟你擦肩而過,如果它有急事就不會看你一眼;如果它沒事就會看你,假如你的眼神再友好些,它就會圍著你的腳轉一轉,這種禮節是人和人之間比較欠缺的。

      15.難道全世界的雞蛋聯合起來就能打破石頭嗎?!所以做人還是要現實些……

      16.森林這么大,我竟然找不到吊死的一棵樹!

      17.我床上的不知道是誰媳婦,我媳婦不知道在誰的床上!

      18.如果以后只有一口稀飯了,你先喝,喝完了,我再把碗舔干凈——

      19.最近很多人跳樓,大家小心別被砸到了。

      20.如果你恨一個男人,就把他的女人揍成李宇春,讓他無法享受上半身的快樂。如果你恨一個女人,就把她的男人揍成李宇春,讓她無法享受下半身的快樂。

      21.男人是會走路的生殖器!

      22.出生之前,父母從來沒有問過我,“你想出生么?”其實,活著也是被迫的!

      23.我以為只要我曬得和煤炭一樣黑就不會有人認出我了,可是我錯了,我完全錯了,現在的我,已經黑得發亮了。

      24.婚后男人就像桌布,只有吃飯的時候才出現。

      25.女人是制造人類的工具,男人是使用工具的人類。

    最新經典搞笑段子推薦

      1.我也不知道為什么會這樣,我只是喜歡上兄弟的女人!

      2.你抽煙的樣子很帥,但你會死的很早。

      3.“怎么老是一邊做作業一邊聽歌?”“你沒看電影里主角做大事的時候都有背景音樂嗎?”

      4.讓我們紅塵作伴,吃的白白胖胖。

      5.明日復明日,明日何其多,既然這么多,不妨再拖拖。

      6.出售本人,活不起了,太累。手續齊全,不能做菜,會吃飯,生活能自理,有錢會敗家,沒錢會在家,帶的出去,領的回家。有意者歡迎咨詢,包郵,自己上樓,絕對限量。

      7.我在英語的翻譯里大血紛飛,你在數學的等式里烏漆麻黑。

      8.喜歡你的時候你就是天,因為我想上天啊。

      9.聽成績時一定要用右耳,因為左耳靠進心臟,可能會猝死。

      10.我國的地域歧視到了什么地步,那天認識一個上海老外,他說他打心里瞧不起北京老外。

      11.精神失常的瘋子不可怕。可怕是精神正常的瘋子。

      12.張照片充分揭示華南虎成為超稀有物種的原因——吐著舌頭正面被人拍了半個小時都不帶換個姿勢的老虎,它不滅絕誰滅絕!

      13.其實挺羨慕芙蓉姐姐的,活在自己的世界里,開心自己,惡心別人。證明華南虎其實是真的。

      14.嫦娥,你就從了天蓬吧,你看玉帝都老成啥樣了!

      15.葉子的離開是因為風的追求還是樹的不挽留?

    最新經典搞笑段子精選

      1.為配合今年中國計劃生育工作的勝利完成,本人決定暫時不和異性朋友接觸,謝謝合作。

      2.打破老婆終身制,實行小姨股份制。引入小姐競爭制,推廣情人合同制。

      3.一只青蛙給牧師打電話,問自己的命運。牧師說:“明年,有一個年輕的姑娘會來了解你。”青蛙高興的蹦了起來:“哦,真的嗎?是在王子的婚禮上嗎?”牧師說:“不,是在她明年的生物課上。”

      4.要挑熟女,裙子好揪。懷才就像懷孕,時間久了才能讓人看出來。

      5.我和妻子已經18個月沒說話了,我沒機會打斷她。

      6.出爾反爾是我的作風,眾叛親離是我的現狀,長命百歲是我的結果。

      7.傻B就傻B吧,只要不影響國人的整體素質。

      8.氣得下面都濕了。如果你不能給你的女人穿上嫁衣,那么千萬別停下你解開她衣扣的手!

      9.從天堂到地獄,我路過人間!

      10.如果你同時愛幾個人,說明你年輕;如果你只愛一個人,那么,你已經老了;如果你誰也不愛,你已獲得重生。

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